So I googled DarkSyde Acres today and decided to see what others were saying about the haunt,and I came across this Review.   http://horrorlust.wordpress.com/tag/darksyde-acres/

BOONDOCKS HAUNT WILL SHOCK AND SURPRISE

A fog crept over the countryside as we headed for Jonesville, a countryside dotted with looming barns, decrepit farm houses, and Victorian estates. It was quiet and nearly deserted when we arrived at Darksyde Acres, a former pig farm. Outwardly it may have appeared docile but within its bowels all manner of creatures lurked both beautiful and hideous, deranged and merry. Darksyde Acres boasts three attractions — The Catacombs, Rusthole, and The Dark Abyss; the first two run concurrently. We purchased our tickets, were told to follow a row of colorful, blinking lights, and warned of the anal trauma ahead. We made a porta-potty pit stop at the entrance of the first haunt, when McCreary opened the door a blood stained, saber toothed, man-sized rabbit leaped from the latrine. Darksyde had used a gag I’d long sought to witness even before we entered the attraction; I already liked the place.

A tall, portly Elvis impersonator welcomed us into the haunt, before us was a winding queue area with small but numerous scenes on either side. We walked down a center path until a deliciously devilish voice informed us that we were going the wrong way. We turned toward the voice — a scantily clad haunt vixen! My eyes may have popped out of my head whilst steam shot from my ears. Beside me John’s jaw dropped to the floor and his tongue rolled cartoonishly from his mouth. There’s definitely a chance that Jason begun removing his pants. Even McCreary was momentarily stunned by the brazen hotness of it all. The dark temptress corrected our path and was soon joined by a second femme fatale. The duo scampered off at times only to reappear and make sexual remarks or would otherwise be found in erotic poses with props. Jason wondered aloud if perhaps we hadn’t crossed over into some sort of blissful haunt afterlife. Such reveries were interrupted briefly when a dainty young man in a dress beckoned us closer and flashed us his nipples, he would later attempt to kiss Jason. Such shenanigans were salacious and attention grabbing and set the stage well for what was to follow. We approached the end of the queue line and came to rest on the threshold of the haunt, the Disco Devil and I took the first shift.

The approach at Darksyde Acres is intense, raunchy, and rare. Guests will not be wowed by flashy animatronics nor can this be accurately called a haunted attraction in the traditional sense, this is something different. Many of the actors are a wild, twisted breed, perhaps the best example of this is a pair of clowns respectively named Bubbles and Pickles. Pickles is a frenzied ball of energy and as horny as a toad, he lovingly spoke of rape and begged that we allow him to grab our backsides. When we obliged Pickles’ excitement grew tenfold an he implored that we return the favor which I thought was only fair. The stimulus propelled Pickles into a crazed euphoria, he whooped and giggled uncontrollably and quite literally bounced from one wall to the next. For an instant I thought perhaps my long time friend Stu was behind the make up. Bubbles in contrast had a more purely sinister nature although even he had a penchant for comedy which was revealed during a conversation about his rumored polka-sotted phallus.

As we traveled deeper into the attraction we traversed crypts, graveyards, and absolute darkness. A steady stream of heavy metal flooded our ears and a tone point I was pleased to hear the circus inspired sound of Creature Feature. We were assailed by zombies, demons, and hot, dead girls. You read that correctly — hot, dead girls! Smoking deadites appeared behind bars equipped with stripper moves and it was in a word, mesmerizing. One particular scene even involved a stripper pole and some fancy moves, but that as we would later find out was a cruel illusion.

Rating: 4 stars

A short walk separates the attractions, the final of which is themed after an old pirate ship — The Dark Abyss. Here, Captain Karcass and his crew have been bound for some 300 years and as you might imagine they’re typically eager to add new souls to their league of damned, but on this night they were mostly jovial — a bit sarcastic perhaps but on the whole in good spirits. Captain Karcass delighted us with some witty banter before he sent us on our way through halls full of lusty wenches, decomposing bodies, and malevolent mariners. The ship was elaborately detailed, highlighted by a hallway of askew mirrors and one room full of dead pirates and treasure. The attraction even had a peculiar smell, a hint of bonfire and something else that was strangely familiar yet elusive.

Rating: 3.25 stars

Locations such as Darksyde Acres are the reason we continue to visit haunted attractions. The actors delivered a nearly flawless performance displaying superb interaction, effective vocalizations, and creative improvisation. The recurring threat of anal trauma is emphasized well first by the howling harlequins and then by the angst ridden Cain who dwells in the dank recesses of The Rusthole. Darksyde Acres features a good mix of dark passages, immersive scenes, and surreal strangeness — oh yeah the half naked girls don’t hurt either. In my opinion this secluded homestead of horror is worth the drive from anywhere in the Metro-Detroit area.

DarkSyde Acres Haunted House in Jonesville, Michigan will be replacing 18 actors from the 2011 season. If you think you have what it takes to be one of DarkSyde’s Minions, then be sure to contact Rob at Bodybagging@aol.com.

DarkSyde Acres is NOT a jump out and go BOO type of Haunted attraction, DarkSyde Acres is NOT a Freddy, Jason, or Michael Myers  wannabe type of Haunted Attraction, DarkSyde Acres IS one of the most extreme in your face types of Haunted Attractions in the nation, so bring your A-Game and show me what you got.

DarkSyde Requires all Actors to pass standard Criminal and Sex offender background checks, DarkSyde requires all Actors to be at least 18 years of age , DarkSyde requires a minimum of 10 day commitment per season, DarkSyde requires 100% dedication to the show,  If you feel you can meet all requirements to be apart of one of the worlds largest and fastest growing Haunted Attractions then again contact Rob At Bodybagging@aol.com for further details. 

Once again just want to say thanks to everyone for coming out in JUNE to help kick of the Midwest Haunters convention pre con Haunt tour…. Couldnt have done it without you all…..  REMEMBER, WE”RE ALL HERE CAUSE WE AINT ALL THERE!   Here are some pics of some amazing people…enjoy

DarkSyde Acres Haunted House opened its doors on wednesday to the Midwest Haunters convention to kick off their Haunt Tour. 4 bus loads of Haunted House Owners and Halloween enthusiasts Arrived at our gates at 2 pm to see if what they have heard about DarkSyde Acres was actually true….  I dont think they expected to actually get the FULL TREATMENT.  The Ghouls at DarkSyde gave them everything and quite abit more. The Reviews  and feedback were Great and very Positive some of which will be posted later this week.

Id like to thank those of our staff that have been busting ass for the past 4 months making the improvements , without you guys , the show wouldnt have been so awesome.

Id like to thank the actors for coming out in June, some as early as 5am, some taking off work, to insure that Haunters from all over the country would get their scream on….. Without you Darksyde would not be the same. Remember minions ACTORS make a great Haunted house. Speaking of Actors I would like to thank our Guest Actors that traveled from 3 states and across one international border to be apart of DarkSyde for a day!

In closing, Id like to thank everyone who has and continues to Support DarkSyde Acres Haunted House, You make it all worthwhile.

With only 3 days until DarkSyde Acres Haunted House opens its gates of hell to the Midwest Haunters Convention Haunt tour, we are busy as all out putting on the final touches. Shane from Http://www.ravens-wolf.com has created some incredible signage and heres another sneak peek of One of the signs….. This is the RUSTY ANCHOR sign for our revamped Concession stand, Big Rich, Heather, have been hard at work getting the inside up to par for the 2012 season while Atalie has done a phenomenal job of Landscaping it with beautiful plants that look very Aquatic, Shane did an amazing Job on the Sign and Ive been busy doing what I do to the outside.  Thanks to all involved making this an incredible themed Concession stand… be sure to visit the Rusty Anchor in 2012 for all of your Grub n Grog needs while at DarkSyde Acres Haunted House.

So Atalie, Big Rich, Katie Lane and I escaped the confines of DarkSyde Acres Haunted House yesterday and made the trek to the Totempole campgrounds in  Petersburg, Michigan to join what seemed like at least 500 Home Haunters, Halloween Enthusiasts, and a few top names in the Haunt Industry. The day was spent mingling with old friends, new friends, and a few others NOT to be mentioned… >:(  But overall it was a GREAT day.

Brian Taylor and his oh so beautiful wife Kkrazy Karen with the help of countless loyal minions have been putting on this wonderful event for more years than I can remember and it was Great to see how large its grown and has kept its one on one feel to it.

Each year they over run a nice quiet quaint little campground in petersburg, Michigan  for 3 days the first weekend in June.  within a 72 hour time period they set up a 20 room Haunted House, host a Seminar series worthy of any MAJOR Convention , with speakers from all over the country, educating their guests with everything from how to carve a prop to how to run your own haunted house.   Did I mention not only do they Teach you, and entertain  you but they FEED you, a giant Breakfast, and Amazing Lunch, and oh My frigging God, a dinner spread to rival a Kings buffet.  This year they had a special appearance by the Ring of steel, a theatrical combat group out of Ann Arbor Michigan, this troupe was utterly amazing.

The Haunted House was a wonderful treat,I am constantly amazed at the talent shown within the walls of their attraction every year!

Special thanks to Brian, Kkrazy Karen and all of their minions for putting on such a great event year after year.

Special shout outs to…. Tim, Tater,CRazy Bob Turner, his wife Beth, Robert Beech, Deanna, Big Rex Hamilton, and everyone else that we spent a little extra time with .  Sidenote to the Muchy the clown, I love the fact that quite few people actually thought you were with DarkSyde  due to your extreme nature, and slutty victim……

Good luck to Wyndell this upcoming week with a medical procedure, remember if something goes south, I gets the leftover pieces….